Lunch with Gamma

Scene:  Exterior, backyard deck of a large family home.  The deck is furnished with a long picnic table with two benches that can seat six comfortably on each side.  A bar with two bar stools sits in one corner; it is adorned with blenders full of different frozen summer cocktails and surrounded by bottles of different wines and spirits.  In the adjacent corner sits a barbeque grill.  Off to the side, splashing and laughter can be faintly heard.

Time:  Sunday afternoon, late/Spring early/Summer


Four people are seated at the table.

On one side is Esther, an older woman in her late seventies.  She is wearing a Mickey Mouse t-shirt and is drinking a frozen margarita from a too-large glass.  She is seated in-between Macy and Jonna, fraternal twin sisters and the granddaughters to Esther.  Both girls are 26 years old and are  drinking smaller versions of Esther’s glass.  They are clearly entertained by the amusements of their grandmother.

On the other side of the bench is Anne, the mother of Macy and Jonna and daughter of Esther.  She is a woman in her early fifties.  She looks upset and uncomfortable at the casual affair going on outside. 

Jerry is standing at the bar.  He is a 28/29 year old man, and the older brother to Macy and Jonna.  He is dressed much younger than his years, wearing cargo shorts, a backwards baseball cap and a t-shirt featuring Super Mario Brothers from Nintendo


MACY:  Gamma!  You need to slow down!
JONNA:  You are on your third margarita and it’s not even 4pm yet!
MACY:  Not to mention that your “glass” looks more like a pitcher!
(Jonna and Macy laugh)
ESTHER:  Life is for the living, girls!  I’ve spent 50 years raising my children and their children.  I am now in the summers of me!
MACY:  Cheers to that!
JONNA:  Cheers!  (Jonna, Macy and Esther all klink glasses)
MACY:  Gamma, Jonna and I want to know when you are going to come clubbing with us again?
JONNA:  Yeah, Gamma!  It was so much fun!  All of our friends LOVE you, and you certainly have a way of getting cute boys to come over to our table to dance with us!
MACY:  Hells yeah, you do!
GAMMA:  Well, ladies, you tell your friends that if they are buying, then I’m there!
JERRY:  (approaching the table, carrying a large pitcher of freshly made margaritas) Alright, ladies… who has a glass that needs freshening up?
MACY AND JONNA:  Meeee!  (both girls waive their glasses in the air and giggle at having answered at the same time)
ESTHER:  You fill up your Gamma’s glass first, G-man.  Sorry girls - age before beauty!
GERRY:  Of course, Gamma.  I know the rules.
ESTHER:  Damn straight you do.  That’s caused I raised you kids right while your momma worked, taught you how to respect your elders…
MACY:  And how to drink…
JONNA:  And how to curse out a priest after mass!
GERRY:  (taking a seat next to Anne) And you did a great job at that, Gamma.
(Macy, Jonna and Gerry all start laughing)
ESTHER:  Oh shush, you three.  I only did that once…
MACY JONNA GERRY:  (at the same time) A week!  (all three start laughing again, with Esther joining in)
ANNE:  You know what you need to do now, don’t you?  You need to teach that daughter of his those same manners, and get her to stop being so Gosh-damn shy and whiney!
GERRY:  Come on, Mom.  That’s not fair.
ANNE:  Hmph.  Every time I see her, all she does is hide her face and cry. 
GERRY:  She’s just a baby…
ANNE:  She’s not a baby anymore
GERRY:  She’s only two!
ANNE:  Two is old enough to know better!  Two is old enough to stop hiding from her Grandma every time I come over or try to hold her or say hi.  Its enough now, Gerry.  And you’re pissing me off because you aren’t doing anything to stop it!
MACY:  Mom, you aren’t being fair.  She’s only two.  Lots of two year olds are shy around people
ANNE:  I’m not people, Macy.  I’m her grandmother!  She doesn’t act that way around her other grandmother.  Noooo!  THAT woman doesn’t get the tears and the crying… not like I do.
JONNA:  But to be fair, mom, it’s not like you see her all the time.  We live in New Jersey, while Gerry and Samantha live in Virginia.
ANNE:  Don’t even get me started on that.  You don’t think I know that that woman hates me?  Married my son and convinced him to move three states away or whatever it is, just to get away from me??
GERRY:  Mom…
ANNE:  No.  No.  Don’t “mom” me.  I welcomed her into my home, let the two of you live there so you could save money after college, and THIS is how she repays me.  By being embarrassed by me?  Hell, you guys come up here to visit and I STILL barely get to see you.  All you want to do is spend all your time at THEIR house, with THEM!
GERRY:  Mom, I don’t know how many times I have to tell you this, but Sam does not hate you, she is not embarrassed by you.  We stay at her parents’ house because they have more room, and you know that Sam’s dad has been sick so she likes to be close to him for as long as she can whenever she can.  It has nothing to do with you.
ANNE:  Bullshit, Gerry.  That’s a bunch of bullshit and you know it.
GERRY:  Mom, please lower your voice – Sam will hear you.
ANNE:  Good!  Let her hear me.  Maybe she will be shamed in to teaching that child of hers how to behave in front of family
ESTHER: Enough of this!  (takes a giant swig of her margarita)  Gerry – your daughter is an asshole. 
MACY:  Gamma!
ESTHER:  Samantha is home with her all day, and the kid doesn’t even speak yet.  You are raising an asshole, dearie, and an IDIOT asshole at that.  And the world has enough idiot assholes in it already.
GERRY:  Gamma, she’s only…
ESTHER:  Two – I know.  We ALL know.  That is the same excuse you use for every little thing she does.  Oh, she cries all the time – well, she’s only two.  Oh, the only thing she likes is baby French fries – well, she’s only two.  You are not a dumb man, Gerry.  Now, you listen to your Gamma and get off your ass and tell that wife of yours to get off of HER ass and teach that great-grandbaby of mine to speak! 
JONNA:  Gamma… oh my gosh…
ESTHER:  And you, Annie, stop getting your knickers in a twist.  Have a drink – loosen up a little.  (She takes another big gulp from her margarita glass, already close to half empty from when Gerry refilled it)
ANNE:  I’m plenty loose, mother. 
ESTHER:  You’re fighting with a toddler, dearie, and if you ask me your whole argument is a bunch of bullshit!  Samantha is a lovely girl, and she is always inviting you to come visit and see Sophie.  If you can’t get over yourself enough to go down there and bond with your granddaughter, then that makes you an idiot asshole too!
ANNE:  Mother!
ESTHER:  Macy, go get your momma a big glass of pina colada.  Clearly the lack of rum flavored goodness is the cause of all this unpleasantness.
JONNA:  Gamma…
ESTHER:  I’m an old woman, Jonna.  And one of the benefits of age is that I can say and do pretty much anything I want.  Living for three quarters of a century gives a person that right.  Now be a love and fill up your Gamma’s margarita glass!
JONNA:  (laughing)  Yes Gamma!
ESTHER:  Now… who wants to see the booty-popping dance moves I’ve been practicing?