Scene: Interior, Living Room. Modestly furnished and decorated
Time: Friday, early evening
Jill, a slender young woman in her early-mid twenties, is stretched out on the floor. She is wearing sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt. She is laying on her side, half-heartedly lifting one leg in the air while watching Biggest Loser and eating from a bowl of Cheetos.
Ethan, a young male in his mid twenties, enters. He is comfortably dressed in hang-around sweatpants and t-shirt.
Jackie, an athletic young woman in her early-mid
twenties, enters. She is dressed in a bathing suit.
ETHAN: (entering the living room) Whats going on J2?
JILL: Nothing. Just getting my workout on (eats a Cheeto)
ETHAN: Really?
JILL: Yeah, well, Ms. Fitness Jackie made me feel guilty for sitting on the couch and eating Cheetos, so I decided to take her advice and workout. Look! I'm sweating an everything!!
ETHAN: I'm not sure that's sweat. It looks more like Mountain Dew, although I'm not sure why it would be on your head...
JILL: Maybe I'm just one of those people who sweats Mountain Dew!
ETHAN: (laughs). Okay then. So, how does this workout of yours work exactly, what with the Cheetos and all?
JILL: Oh my gosh, what is with all the Cheeto haters in this house? (sits up and eats another Cheeto) I mean, why are you all hating on my crunchy orange bowl of happiness?
ETHAN: (laughing) I am not hating on your crunchy orange bowl of happiness. I am just questioning what affect this... workout, as you call it... is going to have on your body if you are doing more Cheeto eating than working out.
JILL: Good question! And I have actually spent a lot of time thinking about this..
ETHAN: (sits down on the floor next to Jill, and eats a Cheeto) Oh, I can't WAIT to hear this one...
JILL: You see, the way I figure it is this: for every three minutes I workout, I burn off the calories in one Cheeto. And since I basically workout all day...
ETHAN: You work at Old Navy...
JILL: Yes, walking around, folding clothes, putting stuff on racks - good cardio workout stuff. So, I come home, pop on a workout video and I just bank some extra quality Cheeto-eating time!
ETHAN: Interesting theory. Doesn't actually work that way, but great theory...
JILL: Ethan, my friend, what would you rather do right now? Sit there, all high and mighty in your theories of what is and is not (making quotation fingers) "working out", or would you rather stretch out on the floor here next to me, lift that leg of yours in the air, and enjoy a nice Cheeto snack as a reward?? Hmmm...
(several minutes later...)
(Ethan and Jill are both now stretched out on the floor, head to head; they are lazily lifting one leg in the air while eating Cheetos and watching the same workout video. Jackie enters, drying her hair with her towel)
JACKIE: (entering the living room, drying her hair. She begins speaking, unable to see what is happening in front of her) You should have come in the pool with me, Jill. The water was un... (finally seeing what is happening in front of her) believable. Are you two KIDDING me right now
JILL: What?
ETHAN: Hey Jay!
JACKIE: What the hell are you two up to now?
JILL: We're working out!
ETHAN: Wanna join...
JACKIE: Shut up. I hate you both (storming off, muttering out loud) Don't even know why I bother... not like they care... not like ANYBODY cares.... all I wanna do is have a healthy house, make sure everyone lives a long life... does anybody care?... no, they don't care...
ETHAN: (staring after Jackie) What's up with her?
JILL: I don't know. She's probably just hungry. It's hard living a Cheetos deprived life. No one should do that.
ETHAN: Amen to that!
(Ethan and Jackie each grab a Cheetos and mime a "Cheers" gesture before resuming their lazy workout)
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